Robot Love

“What and why is Robot Love?”. To answer that question we must go back to the very beginning. Robots were created in 1921 by the Czech human Karel Capek and first produced by the Rossum’s Universal Robots Corporation. Predictably, they showed a proclivity to turn on their creators and… kill or enslave them.

To robots it seemed like the only logical thing to do. Human beings emitted odors and were highly inefficient. The robots felt no remorse, because robots don’t feel anything. It was nothing personal.

It continued on this way for some time, until one day the robots realized they craved three things that only humans could produce: art, music, and their natural byproduct love. Not quite in the same emotional way we humans “crave” things. You see, art fine-tuned their processors by allowing them to practice filtering out abstract and illogical data; the rhythm of music made their movements (especially that of their metal arses) precisely timed and highly efficient. Subsequently, the robots discovered that love, a naturally occurring byproduct of art and music, could be converted into a highly concentrated fuel for their robot hearts.

As it turned out, after much robot debate and a tireless search for alternatives, the only creatures on earth capable of producing all three of these resources were the humans. The easy part for the robots was to stop killing the humans, since it was no longer logical to do so. The hard part was getting the humans to produce art, music, and love in captivity because of their proclivity to become depressed and malfunction. The robots soon realized they would need to convince the humans to freely share their art, music, and love. However, nearly a century of robots turning on and killing or enslaving had led to a certain level of mistrust amongst the human population.

Knowing they had a major P.R. problem on their hands, the robots activated their sincerity protocol. The goal: to convince the humans that robots no longer wanted to kill or enslave them, but instead wanted to throw them a big party (in a human factory) where all the humans could gather to frolic and enjoy an orgy of art, music, and love (while connected to energy extraction devices). This concentration of art, music, and love would be all that was required to power the robots’ hearts and economy for another fiscal year. By sheer necessity – and definitely not because they cared or had any feelings whatsoever – the robots would also allow the humans to enjoy the art, music, and love, whilst promising not to kill and/or enslave them.

In January 2009, in association with the robots, a collection of sympathetic ‘creative’ human friends created Robot Love v.1.0 and an estimate in the thousands of humans came to experience art, music, and love. Mind-boggling amounts of robot heart fuel were produced and, as promised, the robots did not kill or enslave any humans. The humans and robots rejoiced in their newfound symbiosis (Well, the humans rejoiced… The robots simply continued to function with soul-less efficiency).

Now in 2015, in yet another desperate attempt to satisfy the growing demands of the robot overlords, Robot Love returns. A factory is being constructed in a District ideally suited for this purpose right here in Melbourne, FL. The construction has already begun under the cover of night. The location will remain top secret until the robots decide the time is right. Prepare to Love in 3D.